I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
