I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
