Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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