just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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