I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize