There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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