She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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