R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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