hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
