It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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