lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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