my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
