he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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