Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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