I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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