Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
