Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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