I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
