remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
