the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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