Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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