glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize