I wish I could teleport
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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