Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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