Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
