Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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