i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
