At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
