Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
