Pants 0. Shit 1.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
