Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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