M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
