I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
