You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
