He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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