Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
