Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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