I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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