Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
