you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
