then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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