1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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