His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
