im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
