HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
