One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
