You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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