stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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