If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
