My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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