Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize