even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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