If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
