I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want a musical about memes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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