wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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