just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
