I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
