i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
