Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
