Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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